Sunday, November 8, 2009

No Shave November... and facial hair in general

Although November often brings about thoughts of Thanksgiving, Veterans day, football, fall leaves and the high school cross country state championship meet (maybe I'm the only one who thinks about that last one), the eleventh month of the year should also conjure thoughts of No Shave November. That's right... the month-long celebration of all things hairy. If you're not familiar with No Shave November, the name pretty much sums it up. For the month of November, you decide not to grow out a particular hairy area of your body that would otherwise regularly shave. While NSN is usually associated with guys and facial hair, it's open for all genders and areas of the body (personally, I think it's a little gross to think about women growing out their leg hairs and stuff, but it's a free country and they have as much right to grow their hair as anyone else).

Alright... cool. Now that that's settled, here's the second, more awkward portion of this post. Basically, I think an awesome beard and/or mustache is one of the most badass things you can put on your face (that's a pretty stupid statement... what else can you put on your face besides facial hair? Glasses, tattoos, piercings... that's about it). Facial hair is like a cool spoiler or body kit on a car... it takes something ordinary and makes it really awesome. Also, if worn correctly, facial hair can raise a dude's (or woman... I guess. There's no need to be sexist) level of manliness exponentially. Think about it... would Gandalf be as awesome as he is if he didn't have his sick beard? (or conversely, would Legolas be as lame as he is if did have a beard?) Would people allow Santa Clause to break into their houses and eat cookies if he was naked-faced? NO! The facial hair factor is clearly very important in many situations. Furthermore, a hairy face is a sure-shot way to attract the ladies. Why do you think all of those 1970's porn star guys had mustaches? (actually, that's kind of gross... I've never heard of someone being complemented on their porn-stache... you should probably just forget that I ever brought up porn stars and facial hair in the first place... ewwwww). Even if the particular woman you are trying to woo is initially unsuportive of your wiskers, I can gaurantee that she'll come around in time (I can't actually gaurantee that)... women are naturally attracted to awesome beards.

Now for the sad part of the post... after spending the last half hour typing about the positive attributes of facial hair and NSN, I must inform you that, as far as I know, I am physically incapable of growing an awesome beard and/or mustache. Despite my best efforts, I have never been able to grow anything more than dirt-stache, a cluster of hairs on my chin and a few scraggly outliers on my neck. What's the deal here? Did I not eat enough hormone-infused fast food as a child? Do I need to chop down a tree or start a bar fight in order to upgrade my man card to platinum status? Was I chosen by God to maintain a baby face for the rest of my life? (actually, if that's the case, I shouldn't complain too much. that's way better than some of the stuff he told Abraham to do). Oh well... I guess there's nothing I can do about it. I'm still participating in NSN regardless of whether or not I actually have any hair to abstain from shaving.

Oh yeah... here's some cool beard pics:

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